This is something a little different then I post about, but I want to start story times where I post experiences I go through and hopefully you guys get something out of it. So as you may know I have anxiety, very severe anxiety, and that gets in the way of a lot of things especially when you go out in public. Mix my anxiety with general clumsiness and awkwardness, you get pretty embarrassing situations.
So last night my boyfriend asked me on a date to the local movie theater. I am the kind of person that doesn’t like going around a lot of people, but it’s generally quiet at the movie theater so I don’t really have a problem with it. Anyway, He promised to get me a large drink and some popcorn, which, I cant turn down a cute date with food, so I said yes and I waited for that night to go on a date. (Disclaimer, if you don’t have anxiety, this story may seem ridiculous, but take into consideration the feelings of someone who does have anxiety.) When we got to the theater everything seemed normal, we go up the steps and such and choose our seats. My boyfriend sat down and I decided to sit next to him, me, not looking where I was going to sit, sat in a seat without a cushion and stabbed my butt with the bottom the chair, that was supposed to have a cushion. Mind you its a quiet theater, and there were a lot of people there this night, and I had the large soda. I went to the next seat over and as I sat down I spilled the drink all over the floor, people are looking at us and my boyfriend puts his head down while I’m awkwardly laughing and watching people look at us. Next thing I knew I’m in my head, thoughts about how embarrassing I am are clouding my judgment while people are staring. Now people most likely didn’t care, but at that moment I thought that everyone was talking about how clumsy I am, and when I have really bad anxiety about people around me, its a fight or flight situation, And in almost every situation like that, I leave. Now the story could end right there but I made the situation worse by telling my boyfriend that I was gonna get another soda, But I did not return right away…or get a soda. I was sitting outside the theater waiting for the movie to start but he thought I stood him up, which is a valid thought considering it was 20 minutes and I didn’t come back.
This may seem like nothing to you, but with anxiety, you over think, and I over think a lot. I could of just got the soda, came back and pretend nothing happened, but because my anxiety is mostly around big crowds of people, I was terrified. In my mind, I was thinking people where going to stare at me, or say I’m clumsy or laugh, and I couldn’t take it, even though I also knew that people most likely didn’t care. My brain turns against me and made me think so negatively that I ran away.
Situations like these happen all the time, I know I have to work on confidence with myself so that something as little as dropping my drink doesn’t effect me. I know that a lot of people have stories like this, and I know that everyone with anxiety feel like they’re the only person who feels this way. I had to sit down and try to convince myself that My anxiety isn’t a burden although it may seem like one. my anxiety is apart of me, its beautiful and it comes with its own difficulties and I have to learn and cope with it, Only I have what it takes to control and gain confidence in it. If situations like this doesn’t happen, how am I supposed to learn the feeling and cope with it for next time. You grow with your anxiety, you learn to live with it, thinking its a burden and that it only brings you down only hurts you more, and doesn’t allow you to grow into the magnificent person you can become. I learned from this situation, that although I may be embarrassed over something, it shouldn’t ruin the rest of my day. If you stay stuck in one place, how are you suppose to move forward. Don’t let one bad situation effect the rest of your day, don’t let your anxiety be the only thing that defines you.